Tag Archives: sex

Just Friends?

   Jennifer Knapp is gay.

At least, that’s what I read this week in a Christianity Today article.  I had heard the rumor before, but this time it’s in her own words.  She’s been in a relationship with a woman for the last eight years.

I love Jennifer Knapp’s raw and honest music.  I’ve been walking around humming, “I am weak/I am poor/I am broken, Lord/But I’m Yours/Hold me now” for a few days.  Honestly, I feel sad and frustrated.  I’m frustrated because I wish I understood the issue from God’s perspective more.  I know some amazing people who live in committed relationships with same-sex partners and profess to love God with all their hearts.  I can’t claim to fully understand the issue, but I do have an opinion I’d like to share on the topic. 

I believe as a society, we have lost our boundaries.  We have elevated the sexual relationship to the “highest” form of a relationship and undervalued the genuine goodness and fulfillment of friendship. 

If I am so blessed to have a dear female friend who I absolutely adore and with whom I thoroughly enjoy spending my time, plus I also happen to think she is attractive, then it is insinuated that I need to act out sexually with her.  Or that I already am.  What?!  (Do all my female friends need to be ugly or uninteresting?)

I get very frustrated and offended by this line of thinking.  Recently, I told a funny story to a male friend that included a reference to “my pretty friend Sally.”  This Christian man’s eyebrows shot up and he winked and asked me how pretty I think Sally is.  He wanted to know if I want to date Sally.  Grrr….   I was so irritated.  It was the third time in as many days that a Christian male had made some sort of reference to me about either being sexually aroused by lesbians, insinuating that I might be interested in a woman sexually, or suggesting that a female friend might be interested in me sexually. 

I bit the poor guy’s head off.  I told him he was perverted and I was sick to death of Christian men referencing lesbianism like it’s desirable.  He hung his head and apologized and I felt bad for shaming him.  I’m just so tired of having those thoughts placed into my head, inviting me to feel suspicious or to think there’s a sexual motive behind every compliment or smile. 

I’m just saying that friendship, in and of itself, is a good thing.  Sexuality is a good thing within the bonds of marriage.  But when we lose the boundary of marriage for our sexuality, does every type of sexual relationship become fair game?  Where is the line drawn?    

Why would Christian men even think it’s desirable for two women to be together sexually?  I have to wonder how much pornography they’ve been watching recently…  But it’s also very clear to me that pornography isn’t needed to stain our minds.  Our society has done all it can to elevate the sexual relationship to the highest level possible.  We can’t watch a primetime television show without seeing people begin a sexual relationship within moments of declaring their interest in one another.  At other times, the third date has some magic appeal as the time when a new couple has sex.  We’re told to use hand sanitizer after we touch a menu or a doorknob, but these people barely know one another and have no problem exchanging bodily fluids and all kinds of possible diseases with one another?  Yuck!  Not to mention what it does to the soul to be joined with another…

I have dear friends for whom I am extremely thankful.  They are beautiful, fun, entertaining, deep, spiritual, challenging, and engaging.  I love spending time with them.  At times they know me better than I know myself.  They are God’s gift to me, not to be placeholders until my husband comes along, but to fill my life with richness that cannot be found any other way.  My friendship with them is one of the highest forms of relationship I have ever found. 

I believe that the love of a godly, smart, intriguing man is possible.  When that day comes, my pretty friends will stand by my side and rejoice with me.  They will listen to me cry when he disappoints me and makes me mad.  They will make sure I stay accountable for my behavior as a wife and challenge my decisions.  They will offer advice, laugh with me, get me out of the house, and tell me if I’m wrong.  What would I do without my friends?  It would be a lonely, empty life. 

Sexuality is to be reserved for that one person with whom we covenant to spend our lives.  We are to exchange bodily fluids with that one person alone. I think if we all understood that concept more, if we understood godly boundaries better, the world would be a much less confusing (and diseased) place.

I’m not sure what to say about Jennifer Knapp.  She mentions in her interview that people questioned her non-sexual relationships with women when she was in college and told her to “re-negotiate” them.  Maybe I’m over-simplifying it, but I wonder…  If that insinuation had never been made, would she have enjoyed her friendships with women and never felt the need to become sexually involved?  I don’t know.  I just know what I’ve experienced and if men feel comfortable talking to me, a minister, that way, then I can only imagine what other women are experiencing these days.

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Sex Sells?

   

Today marks the one-year anniversary of the day I began revealing some of my private thoughts to the world on a blog.  I had no idea a colleague’s suggestion to start a blog for the purpose of communicating more of myself to the members of our church would turn into such a big part of my life.  I didn’t know if anyone really wanted to read my thoughts and feelings, but I decided to give it a try.    

I’ve had some heartache this year as a result of this blog.  A few people I love dearly have misunderstood or simply not liked what I’ve written.  It’s possible that they thought they knew me and once they read my blog, they decided they didn’t like me.  Ouch.  But this blog has also brought me great joy as people have commented on something that’s helped them in some way or how alike we really are.    

I’m learning to accept the controversy and even discomfort others might feel at what I choose to share.  I’m learning to deal with the shock I feel when someone I don’t know well asks how my debt-reduction plan is going or some other personal question they wouldn’t normally know about me.  Oh yeah…  I wrote about that on the internet for anyone to read!     

I’m also learning what people like to read and what they really don’t care about.  I’m also learning that people don’t always post comments on the things they like, but might tell me later that a posting helped them not to feel so crazy or alone.    

There’s this addicting little page available to me called “Blog Stats” that lets me know how many visitors I’ve had, what posts they’ve read, and so forth.  I try not to let my emotions rise and fall with the rise and fall of the number of readers each day.  I’ve tried to let the page teach me what works and what doesn’t.  I’m not always successful though.  I don’t like the days of zero readers, although that hasn’t happened in a while.    

I can only imagine, what it will be like, when my stats get this high...

 

I find myself wondering how many readers other bloggers have.  How do I stack up?  And how do those power bloggers with 10,000 readers a day do it?  They say sex sells.  Maybe I should write more about that?    

Here is a list of posts you clicked on most this year:    

  1. Orie Wenger – I wrote down some memories of my uncle who passed away in June of 2009.  Many people loved him and losing him was a terrible tragedy.
  2. Ash Wednesday – The beginning of a spiritual and personal journey I have been on to cut out the excesses in my life and focus on just being a Christian.
  3. Strength of Soul – A devotional posting I wrote in response to Psalm 138. 
  4. Thoughts on “Back to School” – This post created some serious controversy, which came as a surprise to me.  I almost deleted it, but decided a little controversy was okay.

Hmmm….  None of these were about sex or anything particularly scandalous at all.    

If I were choosing which posts I most want you to read, I think I like the ones I’ve posted recently the best.  I realize that might be how I felt at most points in the last year.  I’m not sure, but here they are anyway:   

  1. The Truth Hurts, but Silence Kills
  2. Anxiety
  3. Depression
  4. Haiti

I’ve posted 54 times in the last 52 weeks.  My goal at the beginning was to post three times a week, but I found that few people have the time or inclination to read three posts a week.  I also discovered I would rather write less often and have something of quality to say than stick to a prescribed number of writings per week.  I’ve written about sex a little bit here and there, but not much.  I guess a celibate, single girl’s thoughts on sex aren’t that exciting, although I assure I have some many thoughts on the subject.    

Thank you for joining me on this journey.  I’m looking forward to the new things I’ll learn in the second year of blogging.  If you have any suggestions or want to hear my thoughts/opinions on a particular subject, I’d love to hear from you.  When you post comments, it makes me so happy.

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Filed under Just Goofing Around, Odds and Ends