People are Messy


I’m reposting this entry because my life got really crazy in the last couple weeks and I like to remind myself and others of my position on dealing with difficult people and situations.  This short post really explains my philosphy of life. 
 
 
In my twenties, I moved away from home and realized just how disfunctional my family is (whose isn’t?). I went to counseling and learned a lot about how to handle my own reactions and how to see things more clearly. Those years of counseling also helped me see just how disfunctional almost everyone around me is. I began to get discouraged. No matter how much work I did on myself, trying to get emotionally healthy and balanced, the people around me were rarely doing the same hard work and I still had to deal with them. Ugh.

So should I get bitter and judge everyone harshly? Should I become sarcastic and jaded and mean? That doesn’t sound like much fun either. I’m really trying to avoid that yucky line that is creasing the spot between my eyebrows. I wonder if I can reverse the work it’s already done if I learn to relax?

Now in my thirties I’ve decided that I can’t go through life constantly looking for the crazies in people and discarding them if they disappoint me. No one would be left! And if I get discarded every time I disappoint someone, well…

So I’ve decided to try to embrace the messiness of other people. They aren’t like me; they probably don’t want to be. Other people aren’t typically going to make my life easier or smoother, but they often make me happier. It’s when I get all tied up in knots because their crazies come out that I get unhappy and that blasted line appears again.

Don’t get me wrong, if you add more insanity to my life than the joy you bring, I’m not stupid. I’ll withdraw myself and allow you to create your own chaos without me. But if you bring anywhere near as much joy to my life as you bring craziness, I’ll probably keep you. I’ve decided to like people.

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3 Comments

Filed under Spiritual Life

3 responses to “People are Messy

  1. teresa

    Hi Kimberly, I’ve thought about this over the weekend and am wondering about something you said. First, I think it’s good to be ‘real’ about your life and not try to portray it in a way that looks good just for the sake of ‘looking good’! I thought you had some good thoughts.

    In saying that, I’ve thought a lot about what you said about dysfunctional people/families. You commented that you think most families are dysfunctional and most people around you are as well. This lead me to wondering what you would describe as ‘dysfunctional’?

    (and don’t worry about having the ‘right’ answer…I’m just wondering what you think!)

  2. Rob

    good post Kimberly, makes me wonder what does a “functional” family look like? I don’t believe I have ever seen one. Has the current definition of “disfunctional” become the exact opposite of “perfect”. Shame on us if this is true. Most everyone I know is disfunctional (not perfect) in some area of their life, ( I, uhmm…. have many areas). I try to focus on the functional side of people. It is so much easier to love them that way.
    By the way, if you say disfunctional with the right deep-woods southern accent, it sounds like “Dis Fun Shall Now” ……..begin 🙂

  3. Kelly

    I like the word “probably” in your next to last sentence. LOL

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